How to predict Maito Gai by Neji Hyuuga
by New Warrior of Fire
Summary: After Neji teaches Lee how to see Gai-sensei's perdictability, Lee loses all respect for Gai and begins to find his teacher completely insufferable. WARNING:Gai fans should not read. ONESHOT.


Neji Hyuuga was carrying a large stack of textbooks. He was under orders from the Hokage to have them delivered to the academy as soon as possible.

As he struggled to hold the books steady as he walked, there was a loud beeping noise. Neji dropped the books as the alarm continued to go off.

"Damn it," he said, bending down to gather the mess.

"Here, I'll help you." someone said. Neji didn't recognize Kabuto as he picked up the fallen books.

"Thank you." Neji said, taking out his pager to answer the beeping. It was a message of urgent importance from Gai-sensei. Neji's presence was requested immediately. He shook his head and said "I'm sorry, but I have to leave. My boss is a self-righteous jackass. He thinks he's God."

"Don't I know that story." Kabuto said.

"I have to go, thank you for your help." Neji hurried to transport the consignment, and then to find Gai.

He met with team 6 in what had been a large forest area. The trees had been cleared away.

Gai stood in front of a vast pond that hadn't been there until recently. It was beautiful and clear, with lilies floating on the surface of the water.

"Now the reason I called you all here is to present my newest and greatest achievement." Gai said.

Neji leaned over to Ten-ten and Lee. "Let me guess, he's built a monument to his undying preeminence to Kakashi." he said sarcastically.

Gai continued. "I've been studying the five great lakes, and I was inspired to create one of my own! I give you-" He stepped about a meter aside. "Lake superior to Kakashi!"

Ten-ten rolled her eyes, and Lee exclaimed "That is incredible!"

"Thank you, Lee!" Gai said. But Lee hadn't meant the lake.

Neji stood rigidly, his face relaying a wide-eyed expression of both shock and disgust.

"_Why_?" he said darkly.

"Uh— why what?" Gai asked.

Neji's eyes grew wider.

"Why am I here?

Why am I abandoning responsibility to listen to you further push your delusions of ascendancy?"

Neji's tone became even colder.

"Why are _you_ my teacher?"

Gai was stunned, to say the least.

Neji began to walk away.

"Wait!" Lee yelled, outstretching his hand. Lee felt conflicted. Neji had plainly predicted Gai's motive of action. How couldn't he have done it, knowing Gai better than any other of his teammates? Or so he had thought.

* * *

In the day that followed, Lee was determined to find the answer to his question. He arranged a meeting with Neji in a local café.

"Neji, your skills of reading Gai-sensei's thoughts are inconceivable." Lee said. "I thought that my bond with him was beyond that of any other's. How are you capable of accurately foreseeing his actions?"

"It's not that difficult, Lee." Neji said flatly. "There are a few simple truths to know about Gai. And once you're able to accept these truths, you can easily calculate his every action."

"I would be honored to learn these truths!" Lee exclaimed. "Will you teach them to me?!"

Neji sighed. "Fine, Lee. I'll teach you."

"Wonderful!" Lee shouted. "We will begin immediately!"

Suddenly the entire café seemed to be staring at Lee.

"But—not here." he said.

* * *

After Neji and Lee had relocated to the outdoor training area, and sat down in the grass, their first lesson together began.

"Now, there are only four things you need to know about Gai to basically sum up his entire personality. If you're able to realize and accept these things, you'll be able to predict anything he does."

"Alright then, let us begin!" Lee said.

Neji began "Lesson one: Maturity. Maturity is a completely foreign concept to Gai-sensei. You can expect him to come home, all pouty and pissed off, just because of losing to Kakashi at a game of 'Hungry Hungry Hippos' or something.

His next action would probably be to bitch and moan about it in a stuttering sort of whine."

Neji proceeded to give an example.

"I-I-I'm so ma-I'm so m-mad-th-tha-that-Kakash-shi-wo-won."

Lee was in shock.

"How can you say such horrible things about our own Sensei?!" he said.

"It's the truth Lee, and it's not something you can change. You just have to live with it."

"No! It is not the truth. You are a liar, and I should not have trusted you!"

Lee ran away from Neji, not wanting to believe the things that he'd heard. He went home, only to find an unexpected visitor.

As Lee entered the room, he found Gai, arms crossed, sitting in a corner and wearing a pouty expression.

"Sensei? What are you doing here?" Lee asked.

"Oh…hi Lee." Gai said. "I was just sulking."

"What is the matter?" Lee asked.

"Well… I challenged Kakashi to a game of hop-scotch today."

"So, who won?"

Gai mumbled something indiscernible.

"Excuse me?" Lee said.

"Kakashi! Kakashi won!" Gai yelled. "I'm-I'm just s-so ma-s-so mad-that-that Kakashi won!"

Lee was dazed.

"Did you say you are mad that Kakashi-sensei won?" Lee asked.

"Well, did I stutter?!!" Gai yelled overdramatically.

Lee's confidence in his Sensei seemed to sink a bit.

"I cannot believe Neji was right." he said.

* * *

Lee found Neji, to apologize.

"I am sorry for what I said, and I am sorry for running away. I would still be honored to learn from you, if you are willing to teach me."

"Alright Lee, I'll still teach you." Neji said.

That week Neji's lessons went along evenly. Lee no longer questioning his legitimacy.

"Lesson two: caution. Gai-sensei has no concern for caution, and in that way, shows a lack of concern for the people around him."

Lee sighed "I would like to believe that is not true."

Neji gave Lee a sympathetic look, and continued.

"Gai's reckless behavior gives him a sense of control. The predictable outcome is that someone in his line of subordination would be hurt." Neji finished sadly.

"The curry of life…" Lee said. "Had I not been given it, Gai-sensei's harsh training would have cost me my life…"

Now there was silence. Lee's admiration for his teacher had turned to loathing.

* * *

Afterward Lee took to avoiding Gai. He trained on his own, and the only teaching he received was from Neji.

"Lesson three:" Neji said "Pretention. The most unattractive quality about Gai is his self-righteousness. He talks incessantly about his exploits, and compares others, particularly Kakashi, to himself as being inferior. He has a superiority complex.

"The key notifications to make in predicting Gai to say something pretentious are in his mannerisms and vocal tone. If he points to himself, folds his arms, or especially closes his eyes, then he'll most likely say something about how 'exceptional' he is.

Or if his vocal tone seems to imply 'I'm so infinitely better that Kakashi', he'll probably go into a speech about all his past 'triumphs'."

Lee scoffed. "He is full of crap."

"Yeah," Neji said. "He's a piece of crap."

"And he is full of himself." Lee added.

"He's full of crap." Neji said.

They both laughed slightly at this. It was an unusual experience. The two of them had never laughed together, about anything.

Somehow, as Lee began to see Gai as an idiot, he was able to see Neji as a friend.

Neji told Lee "Now that we only have one lesson left, it's time for a test."

They went into the village to try and find their sensei.

* * *

Lee and Neji were walking through Konoha when they finally encountered their teacher. "Hey there, kids." Gai called obnoxiously as he approached them. This was Lee's chance.

"It seems like it's been days since I saw my adorable little students!"

Lee observed closely as Gai's eyelids closed.

"I was just on my way to—"

"Run an afternoon marathon." Lee said.

Gai was surprised. Lee continued.

"Next you will do five hundred push-ups, followed by one hundred crunches, and finish with two hundred leg-lifts."

"Well, yeah! That's the plan exactly." Gai said.

Neji winked at Lee and said "Sensei, it's so hot today, would you allow us a bath in lake inferior to Kakashi?"

Gai's face went dark red. He looked murderous.

Lee sighed. "You are going to kill Neji." He said offhandedly.

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU HYUUGA!!" Gai shouted.

"And next you will prove your superiority to Kakashi by doubling the distance of your run, and adding a hundred repetitions to each exercise."

"YE—yeah— that's just what I was thinking." Gai said, disorientated.

As he walked away, Neji turned to Lee. "That was impressive Lee." he said. "I think you're ready for the final lesson."

* * *

The next day, Lee and Neji had their last lesson together.

"Lesson four: dependency. Gai-sensei's obsession with being better than Kakashi-sensei is because of dependency. The measure of his own self-worth, to him, is how he compares to Kakashi. So by proving his superiority to Kakashi, he proves his own worth to himself."

"So Gai-sensei needs Kakashi's approval, to approve of himself?" Lee asked.

"Exactly." Neji replied. "Ironically, there isn't anyone who cares about Kakashi's opinion more than Gai."

"Thank you for teaching me, Neji." Lee said. "Through our lessons together I have achieved no form of enlightenment, but have merely learned to accept the obvious. These lessons will be our secret?"

"They don't need to be." Neji said.

* * *

Lee laid awake in bed that night, as he thought of the right words to write. About to fall asleep, he got out of bed and wrote the best he could think of.

* * *

That morning, while team six was training, Lee was called to Gai's presence to receive important news.

"What is this about, Gai-sensei?" Lee asked.

"Well Lee, there was a time when I thought you were incapable of ninjutsu or genjutsu. But it's come to my realization that you are capable of something greater."

"And what is that?" Lee asked suspiciously.

"I think you have psychic powers!"

"Excuse me?" Lee asked.

"That's right Lee! You can see into the future! Now what do see happening in my future?"

"You burning in hell!" Lee shouted.

"Oh." Gai said. "Well, that's morbid."

"I am not psychic!" Lee yelled. "You are just full of shit and predictable!"

He shoved the piece of paper he'd written, at Gai. "This is for you." he said.

"What's wrong with you lately?" Gai asked. "You never show up to training, you don't talk to me anymore…"

"I grew up." Lee said. "In our training together, I have earned the strength to win every fight. But in my training with Neji, I have earned the strength to tell you to piss of!"

Lee turned and walked away.

"NEJI?!" Gai shrieked.

"NEJI DOESN'T KNOW SHIT!!

HE'S FOURTEEN YEARS OLD—

HE DOESN'T KNOW HIS ASS FROM HIS ELBOW!!" Gai screamed after Lee.

Lee disregarded Gai as he continued to walk away.

It was then that Gai realized that his team, as he knew it, had fallen apart. He opened the paper Lee had given him, to find a poem.

My Sensei, before I knew you I was nothing.

My dreams worth less than me

I did not know who I was.

Nor who I would desire to be

What you taught me as your pupil,

I have now come to resent.

You said I would become someone

And I have learned now what you meant

My Sensei, the life I have lived, I lived for you

To say you lived for me

To present myself as the student,

My Sensei would want to see

I desired to be worthy,

Without concern, what I must do

I only thought my life had worth,

If I had worth to you.

My Sensei, the last I have to say,

I regret to say is true

Myself has been taken from me,

There is nothing left but you

Idiot.

Gai folded the paper and went to find Neji. He was sure that Neji was the cause of all the trouble. And what better way to fix a problem than at the source? Gai planned to fix his problem by 'setting Neji straight'.

Gai wasn't prepared for what he would see.

He found Neji, talking to the last person Gai would ever allow—Kakashi.

_What does Kakashi think he's doing, talking to one of my students?! _Gai thought_. _

_Talking! Talking and… laughing…_

Gai gasped. "Laughing at _me_!"

Gai gave a sprinting vault at both of them.

"NO!!" Gai screamed.

Kakashi and Neji jumped back, permitting Gai to hit the ground.

"Don't do it Neji…! Don't go to Kakashi…! I thought you were better than this! I thought you were better than his students!"

"What is he talking about?" Kakashi asked in confusion.

"No idea." Neji said exasperatedly.

"Kakashi!" Gai yelled. "You've taken my students from me! You've taken everything from me—you bastard…! Oh you _bastard_!"

"We were talking about baseball!" Neji said.

On hearing this, Gai quickly stood up and brushed himself off.

"Well—uh—sorry if I got a little extreme there." he said. "It's my job to make sure you have the finest teacher possible."

"Wow." Kakashi said. "I'm surprised you said that with your eyes open."

Neji walked away disgustedly.

And this time Gai decided to _make _a plan before putting it into action.

* * *

Gai realized that the only thing he could do to fix everything would be the most difficult thing he had ever done. It would require him to think in a way he never had.

In this action his students received from him a shock neither of them could have calculated.

He apologized.

Even more surprising was Neji's response.

"I forgive you, Sensei."

"So—I'll see you at training tomorrow?" Gai asked.

"Yes, I'll be there." Neji said.

Lee was surprised at how Neji walked away from this.

"I believe—I understand now." he said to Gai. "You have always pressured Neji that he must be better than Kakashi's students for you to be proud of him. And by showing disinterest in Kakashi and humility in apologizing, you have made Neji proud of you."

"Now Lee," Gai said, closing his eyes. "I'm sure the two things are _completely_ unrelated."

THE END


End file.
